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Indroduction

This one requires a little explaining before the insanity can be fully understood. During the Eighth Grade year, our school, as it always does, attempted to see how much students had supposedly learned by giving out writing assessments. In other words, they gave us an essay topic to write on, and try to make them look good. In this case, the provided prompt was something along the lines of "When you die, how do you want your obituary to read/what do you want people to say about you/ how and what do you want to be remembered for?" In other words, the school was using a rather morbid way of asking what do you want to do for the future/ what type of person do you want to be. As such, Raymond and myself decided this definitely needed some spoofing, and, being fed up with the whole thing anyways, set out to make the most poorly composed and retarded response we could. It was titled bluntly "Ef i Wer Ded" and was turned in under the fictional student's name of Alan Mendez (The name of Raymond's character in an earlier mock trial project.) If you feel like attempting to decipher it, you may get a laugh or too. Here it is:

Ef i Wer Ded

by Alan Mendez (Raymond Dobbs and Sean Duffy)

Ef i wer ded i wood b remembird as a persan thet evywon licked. Et wood bea a bade daye wen i diid. Evywon wood bea said bcuz eveywon licked mee. Thay wood al miss mee. i wood bea licked bcuz i kan rite goode. i wood rite lats ov stoores thet evywon wood reed en skool.That wood al kry. i mite evan git a sea ine skool. i well bea lucy ef i kan git a D+ tho. i hoep to git mi deem gob att Bergre Kinge. Thay mite lit mea meat de actul Bergre Kinge. hoepfelle i well bcum de actul Bergre Kinge. En dat tiim i wil wind thea Supre Boal. wen u whiind thea Supre Boal i well goat too Dizny Lande. i wel wride Pirats ov thee Candada bean i wel than sai high twoo Mikee Moose. i mite meat mi favit caracer Gofee der. i weel hoep i kan goat agen sum daiye. i wil goat too C wurld two. et C Wurld i wil wrid shomoo too the oceen. an der i well sit hem fee licke wilee. en thee oceen i well git abdoocted bye Allens. thay well ax mee two rooll tham. thets et.